The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
