don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
