You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
