I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
