the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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