Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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