I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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