I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
