Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
