Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
