Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
