Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
