Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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