Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm just crazy horny about you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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