Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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