I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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