she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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