so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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