I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
