It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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