True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
