I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
