my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
