This dress was meant to end up on your floor
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
