if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This house was built for laser tag.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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