Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
