I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
