he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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