I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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