He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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