my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
