My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
