Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
