Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
