but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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