I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
