It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
