a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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