Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
