My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
