it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
