would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
