you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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