Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
