Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
