Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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