i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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