she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
