i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
