I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
